With its recently-announced multi billion-dollar plan to acquire much of Twenty-First Century Fox, Disney is now one step closer to owning every major creative property in addition to your childhood nostalgia, your soul, and the very air that sustains you.
But X-Men and The Fantastic Four are coming back to Marvel, so that's pretty cool. In fact, with Disney's acquisition of Twenty-First Century Fox, we can technically receive cracked-out crossover movies and romantic pairings Lucifer himself wouldn't dare to dream of.
Let's dabble in the forbidden and consider: What kind of mess would we make if we smushed together Disney, Square-Enix, and Twenty-First Century Fox?
Currently, one of the most beloved crossover franchises is Kingdom Hearts, in which Square-Enix mates its own RPG properties with Disney's characters and worlds. In the many, many years in between the release of Kingdom Hearts 2 and 3, Disney acquired Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars. Toy Story has a place in Kingdom Hearts 3, Marvel apparently doesn't, and Star Wars is likewise a big shrug.
But there was probably a plan for Kingdom Hearts 3 by the time Disney acquired Marvel and Star Wars. Once Kingdom Hearts 3 drops in 2018, the table will be swept clean for all sorts of ghoulish cross-overs between Square-Enix, Disney, Marvel, Star Wars, and Fox's numerous properties.
We all want Sora to visit Star Wars' planets or the myriad cities given life in Marvel's stories, but how many horror shows can we weave out of Kingdom Hearts and the Fox properties that now technically belong to Disney? I can think of a few that'd keep me up at night:
Sora Visits Family Guy's Quahog
Let's get the worst possible thing out of the way. I can't think of a more mismatched pair than the tender-souled Sora and the obliviously loud and crude patriarch of the Griffin family, Peter Griffin. There'd be a lot of drinking, a lot of cursing, a lot of inappropriate jokes, and once Sora departed with his heart thoroughly crushed, he'd continue to exist, wraith-like, as a flashback ("Hey Lois! Remember da time dat spiky-headed kid—").
Sora Meets Richard Parker from Life of Pi
Sora's dealt with The Jungle Book's Shere Khan in his games, so he knows a thing or two about tigers. Maybe he'd do all right against the big cat that made Life of Pi a hit. I just don't know if I want to invest several hours watching Sora drift aimlessly, drink turtle blood, and discuss the nature of God with a jungle animal.
Wait, I think I just described 70% of existing JRPG plots. Let's put this on the "Maybe" list.
Axel Befouls the Back of a Ford Model T in Titanic
Remember that bit in Titanic with the cargo hold? The incident with Jack, Rose, and the car? Yeah.
I don't want to bring Sora anywhere near this since he's around 15 years old. So, let's swap Jack for … hmm, let's say Axel. And let's have Goofy take Rose's place.
Carry that to bed with you. "To the stars, Axel! A-hyuck!"
Sora Meets the Live-Action Chipmunks and We All Wish for Death
Self-explanatory. I mean, unless you hate yourself and you want to hear "Simple and Clean" performed by rodents at a pitch high enough to freak out dogs.
Sora Performs an Alien Autopsy in Independence Day
I wouldn't mind seeing this. I can picture the Keyblade prodding into that wet, leathery alien flesh, parting it with a moist rip. And then—cue jump scare.
Sora Visits Mars and The Martian
I just don't think humanity is ready for the kind of excitement we'd get out of a crossover between Kingdom Hearts and The Martian. Imagine having solitude for a solar year and then being subjected to endless chatter from an introspective JRPG hero. Talk about cruel and unusual torture for Mark Watney.
"Seen any Heartless around here, Mr Watney?"
"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, kid. Say, tell you what, let's go outside and see who can hold their breath the longest. Winner gets a potato."
Sora Meets the Belchers
I imagine Bob Belcher would have no idea what to do with Sora, but Linda would be a very good sport about their visitor. Tina, of course, would be in heaven. I don't doubt she has binders full of Kingdom Hearts fanfiction she's written in the first- and- third-person about Sora and herself (or one of her many stand-in OC's).
Sora Meets Deadpool
Deadpool would either flay Sora alive, or take pity on him and carry him around like a tiny puppy dog. No in-between scenario here.