As Days Pass Without a January 2018 Nintendo Direct Announcement, Fans Start to Lose Their Grip on Sanity

As Days Pass Without a January 2018 Nintendo Direct Announcement, Fans Start to Lose Their Grip on Sanity

At this rate, people are going to start spilling blood in Pikachu's name if they think it'll get results.

01 / 10 / 2018: Despite the whispers in the alleyways, no Nintendo Direct has been confirmed for January 11—or indeed, for any day of the month.

We are as caged rats who can smell the sweat-basted flesh of the terrified prisoner on the other side of the mesh, but are yet forbidden from sinking our teeth into the prize. Or perhaps we are more akin to dried-out desert dwellers who are forced to watch helplessly as tantalizing storm clouds gather on the horizon—and then blow away from us.

Only the ancient Chaos God Iggy Koopa thrives in these hellish times.

But there is still reason to hope, to dream of the flood. Nintendo has made it clear it has a prize for us; it simply wishes to teach us the virtue of patience and the satisfaction of delayed reward. Opinions vary, of course. The five-year-olds amongst our number have made a strong case for "Nintendo is being a big mean doo-doo head."

What ails Nintendo? Ghosts, perhaps?

Maybe it just enjoys watching us hurt ourselves, and each other.

What Nintendo fails to understand, however, is that we've ultimately grown stronger in our suffering. Though there are instances where we prey upon one another in this rat cage, we have also formed a bond that's stronger than Rambi and sturdier than the very foundation of New Donk City.

Be warned, Nintendo. You can taunt us, you can tease us, but every man, woman, and animal has a breaking strain. If you continue to test ours, the consequences for you might be … grim.

Just give us the Direct, Nintendo. Give us the Direct, and we can have a civilization again.

Having duly warned you, I take my leave.


She Who Forgot Her Name When the Hype Train Blew its Whistle at Dawn (but I recall my mother once whispering to me, "Grow to be mighty, young 'Give Me a New 2D Zelda Right Now').

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Nadia Oxford

Staff Writer

Nadia has been writing about games for so long, only the wind and the rain (or the digital facsimiles thereof) remember her true name. She's written for Nerve,, Gamepro, IGN, 1UP, PlayStation Official Magazine, and other sites and magazines that sling words about video games. She co-hosts the Axe of the Blood God podcast, where she mostly screams about Dragon Quest.

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