As Days Pass Without a January 2018 Nintendo Direct Announcement, Fans Start to Lose Their Grip on Sanity

At this rate, people are going to start spilling blood in Pikachu's name if they think it'll get results.

Article by Nadia Oxford, .

01 / 10 / 2018: Despite the whispers in the alleyways, no Nintendo Direct has been confirmed for January 11—or indeed, for any day of the month.

We are as caged rats who can smell the sweat-basted flesh of the terrified prisoner on the other side of the mesh, but are yet forbidden from sinking our teeth into the prize. Or perhaps we are more akin to dried-out desert dwellers who are forced to watch helplessly as tantalizing storm clouds gather on the horizon—and then blow away from us.

Only the ancient Chaos God Iggy Koopa thrives in these hellish times.

But there is still reason to hope, to dream of the flood. Nintendo has made it clear it has a prize for us; it simply wishes to teach us the virtue of patience and the satisfaction of delayed reward. Opinions vary, of course. The five-year-olds amongst our number have made a strong case for "Nintendo is being a big mean doo-doo head."

What ails Nintendo? Ghosts, perhaps?

Maybe it just enjoys watching us hurt ourselves, and each other.

What Nintendo fails to understand, however, is that we've ultimately grown stronger in our suffering. Though there are instances where we prey upon one another in this rat cage, we have also formed a bond that's stronger than Rambi and sturdier than the very foundation of New Donk City.

Be warned, Nintendo. You can taunt us, you can tease us, but every man, woman, and animal has a breaking strain. If you continue to test ours, the consequences for you might be … grim.

Just give us the Direct, Nintendo. Give us the Direct, and we can have a civilization again.

Having duly warned you, I take my leave.


She Who Forgot Her Name When the Hype Train Blew its Whistle at Dawn (but I recall my mother once whispering to me, "Grow to be mighty, young 'Give Me a New 2D Zelda Right Now').

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Comments 15

  • Avatar for SIGGYZtar #1 SIGGYZtar 6 months ago
    You thought you were getting a Nintendo Direct? It was me, Dio!
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  • Avatar for MarioIV #2 MarioIV 6 months ago
    I want that Direct so bad.
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  • Avatar for mattcom26 #3 mattcom26 6 months ago
    I'll be praying to the Blood God that Nadia regains her sanity.
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  • Avatar for Wellman2nd #4 Wellman2nd 6 months ago
    I know folk are lusting after some new and interesting Switch game news but people should calm down. Nintendo when it has something to show will do so.
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  • Avatar for NiceGuyNeon #5 NiceGuyNeon 6 months ago
    I just don't get what's happening. People just made up the idea that there is a Direct or something? Like, why? How? What happened to everyone?
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  • Avatar for moochan #6 moochan 6 months ago
    I would honestly love it if they made a YouTube channel secretly and posted the new Direct without telling anyone and just waiting for someone to find it and link it everywhere.
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  • Avatar for shurn #7 shurn 6 months ago
    @NiceGuyNeon it's those darn early dummie listings at amazon and GameStop. Got everyone excited.
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  • Avatar for donkeyintheforest #8 donkeyintheforest 6 months ago
    me waiting for direct:

    "And what do I get, for my pain?"

    Nintendo's direct will give me:

    "Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game"

    any yet still...

    "Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a cage"
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  • Avatar for FireSonic #9 FireSonic 6 months ago
    @NiceGuyNeon what happened to everyone is people believe everything that is on the internet nowadays. i stay skeptical of ALL leaks until they actually get confirmed. i've seen too many fake leaks and few real leaks to know what i am talking about... you can say goku will be in the next smash and people will believe it (or more realistically, ridley, since goku is an extremely unrealistic option)
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  • Avatar for CipherStone #10 CipherStone 6 months ago
    @shurn@NiceGuyNeon I think there was also an apparent leak from EA that showed a marketing timeline for Fe, which included a January Nintendo Direct.
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  • Avatar for SatelliteOfLove #11 SatelliteOfLove 6 months ago
  • Avatar for Wellman2nd #12 Wellman2nd 6 months ago
    @FireSonic Actually Goku is quite possible, the team that worked on Smash 4 was from Bandai Namco who are the primary company that publish Shonen Jump properties, hence why Pac Man made it in. Heck they let Nintendo borrow KOS MOS to recently so it can happen.
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  • Avatar for LBD_Nytetrayn #13 LBD_Nytetrayn 6 months ago
    "Nintendo has made it clear it has a prize for us; it simply wishes to teach us the virtue of patience and the satisfaction of delayed reward. "

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  • Avatar for MetManMas #14 MetManMas 6 months ago
    @Wellman2nd Honestly, I doubt it'll happen.

    While Goku is indeed a popular character under Bandai-Namco's wing, and the Dragon Ball franchise (especially Dragon Ball Z) has had numerous video game adaptations, the thing is that Super Smash Bros. has always been a celebration of characters that were born in the video game industry, while Goku was born in the manga industry. If we're talking spiky haired Toriyama characters, frankly a random Dragon Quest mute hero (probably III's) or Crono would have a better shot of getting in.

    But that said, I also thought that Cloud would never make it into Smash 4 because Final Fantasy VII was associated with Square ditching Nintendo and Sony's finest hour (kicking Nintendo's ass with the PlayStation) and he got in, so who knows?
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  • Avatar for BulkSlash #15 BulkSlash 6 months ago
    The trouble is this Direct is so overhyped now there will probably be a riot if all they announce is a trailer for the Bayonetta re-release, some horse armour DLC for Skyrim and an Arcade Archives release of Balloon Fight.
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