Today, Crusader Kings 3 receives its version 1.1 patch. It addresses a number of concerns players have had with the game, whether balance-related or just fixing some bugs that have cropped up since the strategy game's launch.
As a simulation for ruling an empire in the Crusades era, Crusader Kings 3 has a penchant for the absurd. You don't have to look far for stories of evil twins who are in love with the player or somehow finding a way to eat the Pope. While it might start out as just a standard-looking kingdom sim, it often quickly becomes anything but standard.
Because of this, the areas that developer Paradox has to alter, and the specific variables that are creating oddities, are often hilarious. Crusader King 3's predecessor also had some unusual bug fixes over the years, like fixing the ability to sacrifice someone to Satan multiple times, or "immortal characters should no longer die when making love too fiercely with their spouse." Seriously, that's a real patch note.
With update 1.1 comes a whole host of new oddities for Crusader Kings 3 to address. It's a pretty lengthy update, but we've scrubbed through and pulled out some of our favorites.
- Made a number of interactions unavailable if you're at war with the target (E.G., it makes no sense to ask the Pope for money while you're at war with her)
- Reclusive characters will no longer host feasts
- The AI is now reluctant to betroth boys to old women, regardless of them sharing their dynasty or not.
- Reduced the chance of children reincarnating with an ancestor's sinful personality traits
- Gave the AI dancing lessons
- Informed the AI that if it has nothing else to do in a war, it might as well defend the wargoal
- Told the AI that it might actually be a good idea to try to avoid running into enemy units while raiding
- Told the AI that just because it thinks a battle's about equal, that doesn't mean it should refrain from piling more troops into it to be 100% sure
- Children who reincarnate as an ancestor with sinful traits now acknowledge that isn't actually a good thing
- A Head of Faith will no longer forsake their religion if your spouse is charming enough
- A faction will no longer courteously greet you before calling you a tyrant
- A zealous character will now sweat a bit about committing adultery
- Added a 10 year cooldown to childhood events if the child decides to kill the animal instead of adopting it. You monsters.
- An imprisoned vassal will no longer scream about rebellion
- Barons married to other landed characters will no longer be naked
- Characters that should be naked no longer wear cloaks
- Children can no longer be educated by hardened criminals
- Compassionate character are now told that blackmailing people is stressful
- Devouring people will now have a clearer impact on your stress level
- Fixed an event stating that your lover revealed your secret when you in fact did it yourself, by claiming a bastard as your own
- Guardians will no longer keep teaching your kids after fleeing the realm
- If you promise a vassal to educate their child they will now be miffed if you try to return the child
- It's now possible to negotiate an alliance even if your family is very inbred
- Naughty children go straight to jail with no education
- People are now less eager to marry people they are terrified off
- The Pope can no longer publicly accept cannibalism
- Two players having a child together will no longer have a screaming competition about the name
- You will now be told why you can't debate people 24/7
That's just a short selection of entries from a frankly massive patch notes log. Much like Dwarf Fortress, Crusader Kings is a series that is endlessly fun to read stories about, even if you don't play it yourself. And also like Dwarf Fortress, the strange situations that the system can end up simulating make for hilarious bug fixes, like convincing the Pope that endorsing cannibalism isn't a strong PR move.
Crusader Kings 3 is currently available on PC, and is also a part of Xbox Game Pass for PC at the time of this writing. It's made a real effort to attract more fans than just the hardcore CK2 crowd, and so far, it seems like it's done a good job of it.