Everything That Needs to Happen in the Final Fantasy VII Remake

Everything That Needs to Happen in the Final Fantasy VII Remake

At long, long last, Final Fantasy VII is being remade for current generation consoles. That's fantastic news - but how should it be done? Nadia Oxford has some very interesting ideas.

Square-Enix said over and over that we'll never see a remake of Final Fantasy VII. But it's happening. Final Fantasy VII is coming back, and it's got some awesome new threads.

We can sit here and fret over the moral implications of Square-Enix going back on an ironclad promise. Or we can celebrate while we pen wish lists outlining everything we want to see in our return trip to Midgar.

Here are our (gentle) demands for the Final Fantasy VII remake:

A complete overhaul of the English translation

Final Fantasy VII's story probably didn't make much sense when you first played the game in 1997, and here's a shocking revelation: It doesn't make much sense today. But bad storytelling isn't necessarily the problem. Final Fantasy VII simply has a very shoddy English translation that makes the cast sound like they communicate by throwing darts at a board full of random sentences.

Priority one for a Final Fantasy VII remake should be a heavy duty re-translation. Tear it all down to its foundations, and scrub those foundations with turpentine and bleach. Then build it all back up from the very first "C'mon, newcomer! Follow me!"

The option to play with the original soundtrack

When Final Fantasy VII first hit Steam in 2012, its rich soundtrack was replaced by an acoustic horror show. Poor quality was only half the problem: Cloud's journey to save the world and find himself is accompanied by some of the best game music of all time, and messing with that music means messing with some very strong nostalgia.

No doubt Square-Enix has a symphonic overhaul in mind for the remake, but we'd also like the option to switch to the original soundtrack. It just wouldn't feel right to battle Rufus on top of Shinra HQ without those scratchy synthetic guitars blaring in the background.

More side quests

RPGs are getting bigger and grander, and that goes for Japanese RPGs too. The original Final Fantasy VII doesn't offer too many chances to wander off the beaten path, but when you do get an invite to stray from your original task, you discover some very interesting supplementary information about the game's characters and their world. It'd be awesome to have more journeys of discovery in the Final Fantasy VII remake.

No more random encounters

Boo to random encounters. They're completely unnecessary, especially since many of the RPGs released in Final Fantasy VII's shadow (including Square's own Chrono Cross) eliminated these aggravating interludes.

Mind, it wouldn't be terrible to have the option of turning on random encounters in the Final Fantasy VII remake. People get weirdly nostalgic for game-related annoyances. But there's no reason for them to be the norm.

Skippable summons

Shiva throws ice. Ifrit burns his foes. Ramuh gives bad guys a jolt. The Knights of the Round go on.

And on.

And on.

Summons are cool to gawp at the first few times they appear, but we have to wonder what percentage of the 70-hour Final Fantasy VII save file on our PlayStation memory card is dedicated solely to summon-watching. Square-Enix, we know you can make pretty pictures. Now please let us skip summon animations in Final Fantasy VII's remake. We promise to say "Oooh!" at least once before we press A.

Online chocobo races and a fully-loaded Golden Saucer

Saving the world is hard work. Hard, intimidating work. That's why the Golden Saucer is so important in Final Fantasy VII. Sure, Sephiroth is about to chew up the planet and spit it out, but is that really important when you have a record to beat in Super Dunk?

We hope the Final Fantasy VII remake provides us with some shiny new games in Shinra's techno-Disneyland. We especially want the option to breed chobobos and race them online. This dream is already possible in Final Fantasy XIV, so there isn't much reason to deny us the pleasure of bashing birds like cheap go-karts in the new Final Fantasy VII.

No more mandatory mini-games

Nobody wants to be forced into giving a drowning girl CPR, Square-Enix. Nobody wants to go snowboarding directly after witnessing the death of an integral party member, either.

Nadia Oxford

Staff Writer

Nadia has been writing about games for so long, only the wind and the rain (or the digital facsimiles thereof) remember her true name. She's written for Nerve, About.com, Gamepro, IGN, 1UP, PlayStation Official Magazine, and other sites and magazines that sling words about video games. She co-hosts the Axe of the Blood God podcast, where she mostly screams about Dragon Quest.

Related articles

A Fresh Look at New Super Mario Bros. U on Switch: Does it Measure Up to the Classics?

Where does New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe rank alongside Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World?

The State of Destiny 2 After Forsaken: A Game That Can't Shake Its Troubles

Forsaken was a solid start, but it wasn't enough to pull everyone back.

Sorry Pokemon Fans, Your Gold-Plated Cards from Burger King Aren't Worth Squat

Burger King's Pokemon cards from 1999 look kind of nice and they're fun to remember, but they're barely worth the cost of a milkshake.

You may also like

Press Start to Continue

A look back on what we tried to accomplish at USgamer, and the work still to be done.

Mat's Farewell | The Truth Has Not Vanished Into Darkness

This isn't the real ending, is it? Can't be.

Eric's Farewell | Off to Find a New Challenger

It's time for us to move on, but we'll carry USG with us wherever we go.