Rejoice on this day, for humankind has finally received an answer to an ancient mystery: "Is the abbreviation of Nintendo's 8-bit Entertainment System ('NES') supposed to be pronounced as 'N-E-S,' 'Ness,' or [shudder] 'Nezz?'"
Turns out the official answer is the right one: We're supposed to say "Ness." This is now law. Dissenters will be disemboweled with Prince Myer's dull-ass sword before having their entrails thrown into one of the eternal flames watched over by the old men from The Legend of Zelda.
In the museum section of the Japanese version of Wario Ware Gold, you can unlock some slides showcasing the Famicom. Also included is a picture of the NES. Within the description, Nintendo themselves says that “NES” is pronounced “Ness”. pic.twitter.com/Vg5JjXgJgy— Kyle McLain (@FarmboyinJapan) August 3, 2018
The final word on this Great Truth is handed down in WarioWare Gold for the Nintendo 3DS, where the pronunciation is outlined in the game's Museum section. To confirm, EuroGamer news editor Tom Phillips enlisted the translation help of Digital Foundry's Japanese-fluent John Linneman. Linneman confirms the Museum entry says "ne-su."
Before you "N-E-S" heathens accuse Nintendo of pulling a retcon (and thereby court punishment under our new regime, just FYI), don't forget the name of Earthbound's protagonist—and one of Nintendo's most beloved heroes—is named Ness. Ness is the (possible) relation / descendent of Earthbound Beginnings' protagonist, Ninten. The true name of the NES was written in the stars years ago. We just needed to evolve to the point where our spiritual maturity can process this information.
Not that it's going down easily, mind you.
All right, maybe this "Ness" news is too much knowledge too quickly. I rescind the new law. Let's dial things back a bit and return to calling every single game system "a Nintendo." Cartridges, cards, and CD's can be "Nintendo tapes" again. We'll try this again in 50 years.