There's a New Robocop Game

I'd buy that for a dollar. Actually, no, I'm all right; I think I'll open a savings account instead.

Robocop's had a few ups and downs over the years when it comes to video game adaptations.

For every interesting Robocop game, such as Robocop 3 on Amiga and PC, or Robocop Versus The Terminator on Genesis, there's been an absolute stinker like the 2003 Robocop game for GameCube, Xbox and PlayStation 2.

That disaster was, in fact, the last time we had a new Robocop game to play, but with the new movie reboot just around the corner you will undoubtedly be unsurprised to hear that said movie is taking full advantage of that mainstay of 21st century marketing: the free-to-play mobile game.

Yes, that's right, there's a new Robocop game from free-to-play mobile specialists Glu. And, in keeping with Glu's track record of technically impressive but shallow, derivative, money-hungry wastes of time, it's a technically impressive but shallow, derivative, money-hungry waste of time.

In the game, you play Robocop as he works through a series of simulations that all boil down to standing still behind chest-high walls and shooting enemies. Then shooting some more enemies. Then shooting a few more for good measure. Occasionally ED-209 shows up and you have to shoot that, too. Sometimes you have to capture enemies instead of killing them, which you achieve by shooting them repeatedly. Very occasionally you get to move between two different pieces of cover, but mostly you're stuck in one place until you shoot all the enemies, at which point a Robocop that looks like he's suffering from a bad case of hemorrhoids then runs rather stiffly to the next piece of cover, at which point you will then have to shoot all the enemies all over again.

Being a freemium mobile game, Robocop comes with all the annoyances we've come to expect. There's an energy bar limiting how much you can play in a single session. There's an aggressive "upgrade" system whereby you'll have to keep spending in-game currency to upgrade Robocop's weapons in order to take on later challenges -- and boy, do the characters ever love reminding you that you'll need to do that -- and a variety of game-breaking special powers you can, of course, purchase using the game's "premium" currency that is only available in practical quantities through spending real money.

On the off-chance you want to try your hand at this colossal waste of time rather than playing something, you know, good, then it's available now on the App Store, with an Android version set to follow later this month.

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