This Year's Scariest Halloween Costume? Movie Sonic

The live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie's been delayed into 2020 on account of its Sonic model being frightening enough to send secular society back to Church. The delay hasn't stopped the merchandise train, which is why you can dress up as movie Sonic for Halloween. If you, uh, want to.

The "TreasureHuntingSonic" Twitter account posted the first images of movie Sonic's costumes last month, but now that Amazon's selling a full-size Sonic latex mask, we have to stop pretending the previous pictures were just a collective bad dream we all had. Movie Sonic costumes exist. They are real, but unlike Geodude, they are not my friend.

Oh, lest you forget: Amazon's zoom-in feature is a great way to see every godforsaken "quill" on Sonic's cheap rubber head. I'm at a loss at how to describe this thing. It's like someone bred a monkey with a pug to make a new designer pet, but everything went wrong.

Let the cold gaze of this Sonic mask remind you that live-action Sonic movie is coming, and you're powerless to stop it. The first trailer dropped last April, but the negative response around Sonic's weird appearance prompted Paramount to delay the movie's release date from Thanksgiving of this year to Valentine's Day 2020. We've not seen what this new Sonic model looks like, but Paramount assures us we'll be pleased.

Imagine going to see the movie next year and your theater is full of silent, stock-still attendees wearing the latex Sonic mask. Wouldn't that be amazing?